Monday, December 3, 2012

Empathy For A Mother’s Ordeal


Elaine was born from an impoverished family.  From childhood to early adulthood she struggled to survive and like any individual, dreamed of having a comfortable life too.  Thinking that having someone at her side would improve her life she plunged into marriage at an early age but it didn't take her long to realize that it was a disastrous decision.   Marriage had made her life more miserable and realizing that this partnership is turning to worst she decided to face life bravely with her kids alone.

Thus, having survived a stormy married life, Elaine was determined to do everything she could to provide a brighter future for her children.  Setting aside personal comforts and pleasures, she devoted full time priority to her children’s needs by venturing into various honest income generating resources, unmindful of other people’s opinion and at times setting aside personal pride just to make her aspirations for them come true.  Years later, her efforts paid off for all her children had been able to finish their studies and found decent and good paying jobs. 

This realization of her goal should have made the mother completely happy knowing that she had accomplished her mission and successfully survived difficult challenges.  It turned out however that her trials had not ended yet and this time she is questioning herself where she had been amiss. 

Another test that she is facing now is how to be able to withstand one of her child’s nonchalant attitude towards her.  It is painful for a wife to be taken for granted by a husband, but being treated the same by a child whom you had strive to be equipped and capable in facing life is excruciating.

I don’t intend to take sides in this situation, but, children who react this way now that they are in a much better position than the person who had made it possible for them to attain what they are now is difficult to understand.  The issue here is not the financial side but more on the lack of respect, concern, consideration and gratefulness to the one who had planned, worked selflessly, and intended nothing but a much better life for them.  Generation gap may have something to do in these parent-child conflicts and the clash in beliefs and principles had overshadowed and totally discarded the value of relationship that had been built through the years.  Association of the child with people her age who had poor relationships with parents may have some influence in the unbecoming behavior.  Somehow, it’s upsetting that a child could totally ignore a parent’s existence while living a daily normal routine, while the mother is suffering in silence for this cold treatment.   It would not be easy for anyone to understand someone’s feeling unless he had been in the same situation, and in this case, the uncompassionate child would only understand the mother’s sentiment once he become a parent himself.

No one is perfect, and if in the child’s standpoint, it was the parent who has erred, don’t the parent’s stance may also be the same?  Would it mean too much if the child would chip off a little of his pride and initiate reconciliation instead of flaunting an “I couldn't care less” front and, assert that it should be the parent who should make amend first?  A parent’s joy could not be measured by a simple display of sincere concern and thoughtfulness and it would not cost much to do this.  I only hope that it will not be too late for the child to be aware of the offhand attitude that had pained his mother. 

As children, it is preferable to make our parents feel being loved instead of causing anguish while they are still alive for once they’re gone, no amount of tears could bring back their life again.  That is, the beauty and fragrance of a bouquet of flowers could only be appreciated if the receiver could still see and smell it, but, once the recipient is gone, these flowers no matter how expensive will only rot un-admired on the place they are laid. 

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